I've been going thru a profound spiritual, emotional and physical transformation this entire year, one that only my grief allowed me to fully pass into. And throughout this journey I've been experiencing more and more psychic experiences. Over Memorial Day,while in Sedona,  I had the most profound tarot reading of my life. One in which the reader was blown away by a series of cards that I received, cards that he had only ever seen in very old people who had lived and experienced much more than me. He said it was incredibly rare to see the combination of cards in someone as young as me, and that the cards denoted that the energy was about to forever change in my life. He said it was about to pick me up and blow me out of the street.

Now I've had many, many readings in my life, from all types of readers. I've seen my share of quacks. But this guy was truly connected to something higher and gave me the most profound reading of my life. I knew that the stuff he was telling me was coming from "somewhere else", as it was too exactly in line with all that I'd been living for the past couple of years.

Well, he said the energy was about to forever change, and he was right... It began on June 10th when I had my very FIRST out of body experience, ever. It was intensely profound and moving and left me feeling awestruck afterwards. That was then followed up today and yesterday by two more completely surprising psychic episodes that I experienced. Tonight I sat in my living room crying, tears of joy, because I know that something else is happening to me, I'm reaching a level of spiritual awareness that I never dared imagine. And I know that this is just the beginning..

I was sharing my experiences with a good friend of mine tonight and he said to me, "You know I once heard this great saying, 'the architect of the universe did not create a staircase to nowhere.'"  I got goosebumps when I heard that. It is so true. We are all interconnected, everything in this universe is connected.  Nothing is random and there is no such thing as coincidence. Everything is happening for a reason. Energy flows thru us and if we are open to it, it can guide us and give us messages. In the deep pain and loss that I have suffered over the past 2 years, and out of nothing less than sheer desperation, I have allowed my spirit, my soul, to open itself up to this higher energy, this higher truth. And now I am starting to receive the messages. And it is profound, humbling. I look forward to seeing what else the universe has in store for me...

I've been doing yoga regularly now for about 6 months and I can really see such a difference in my body, in my strength. I've been working on my handstands (which were so easy as a kid, but are so challenging as an adult!!) for weeks now and I'm really getting close to being able to do them on my own, without the wall or a spotter. And I can feel my form getting better and better and my arms stronger and stronger.

In my yoga classes the teachers always ask one of the more experienced yogis to demonstrate different moves. Well, tonight my teacher asked ME to demonstrate my handstand! I was so excited.. and flattered! I'm truly a yogi now! Just a few more weeks and I'll be standing upside down in the middle of the room, by myself!

"The people that are the hardest to love, are usually the ones who need it the most."
- Way of the Peaceful Warrior

 "I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."

-Margaret Mitchell

It was a year ago TODAY that I arrived in Los Angeles! Wow! I cannot believe I have been living here for an entire year. Crazy to look back and to see how dramatically I have changed my life. A bit over a year ago I was living and working in DC. Now here I am having lived in the City of Angels for a year, with a completely different life, different job, different friends... different me. Wow!

Today I received the very sad news that my cousin, Bobby Pagliarulo, died last night after a long battle with bone cancer. Bobby was quite young, only in his late 40's and is a husband and father of a young son. In addition to being a wonderful father, a favorite cousin, and a warm, loving soul, Bobby was also a very talented sculptor.  My father still has many of his sculptures in his home. I would like to post his website here as a tribute to him:

http://www.pagliarulosculpture.com/

Very sadly, Bobby has been fighting his cancer for the last few years. He has gone through all of the stages of fighting, had the bone marrow transplant, etc., etc. A while back it looked like he was in remission, and then it took a turn for a worse. He has been suffering through a lot of pain for the past year, and so for that reason only, I am grateful that he is no longer suffering. 

I pray that Bobby is at peace and that he has gone on to a better place. I am so deeply saddened by his loss and I send my thoughts, my prayers and my love to his wife and young son. I also send my love to his brother, sister and father who survive him.

A good friend and past colleague of mine, Lisa, came to visit Southern California a couple of weeks ago, so I was so happy to get to see her. We started working together in Boston back in 1998 and we were blown away to realize we've known each other for 10 years now. And we've stayed in touch through me moving to DC and now to LA. The good ones always stay in your life!

You've got to trust your instincts
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
Cause that's your best bet

Watch me now with a wicked and wild and I said
We come with the funky style that gets us known for the show
And we'll mix the hip hop reggae if we say it is so
Fuck the naysayers cause they don't mean a thing
Cause this is what style we bring

Now it's morning but last night's on my mind
There's something I need to get off my chest
And no matter what may come to shine
The dream will always be mine

All mixed up, don't know what to do
Next thing you turn around and find the person is you
Thought a freak might be the thing
But the first could be the last, so just get off of your ass

All mixed up, don't know what to do
Next thing you turn around and find the person is you
Thought a freak might be the thing
But you know this will pass
So just get off of your ass

You've got to trust your instincts
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
Cause that's your best bet

Watch me now with a wicked and wild and I said
Sick sick bit got to have it
Like bustin in on a session when you got to call it quits
Sick sick bit just can't quit
Fact that you don't even know makes it fully legit

Now it's morning but last night's on my mind
There's something I need to get off my chest
And no matter what will come to shine
The dream will always be mine
You keep me coming
That is a gal that'll kill them stunning

You make me nervous, throat dry
My brain is empty, don't know why
But I saw you doing something
Which is really truly nothing
And you could bust me out all day

Many moons since first I saw you
Many moons since first we did the do

And why did I try when I knew it was no and
Why did I try when I saw it was so
But save it for later we should just let it skate
Cause the waiting feel is fine

-311

My friend Kathleen is in town visiting for the weekend and learned that one of her favorite bands, The Virgins, was playing in town tonight. We went down to see them perform at the classic theater, The Wiltern, and they put on a really good show. Too bad the band that followed was sheer noise, (how can some of this stuff be called music?)..  So after the Virgins performed we went out for our first Korean BBQ. We were so proud of ourselves for eating the entire meal with chopsticks!

I had so much fun playing with my twin nieces this past weekend. It's so incredible that they actually know and remember me now, and they smile at me and give me hugs and kisses. They even know my name.. Of course in baby talk, I'm actually "Jimmie".. but they know it's me, so that's all that matters!

My brother was so lucky to capture this picture when Aria decided to out of the blue jump into my lap, in the midst of "brushing" her teeth.. So cute!! More pics in the gallery!